Parenting and the Golden Calf

Tell me if any piece of this sounds familiar.  The parents come home after a night out to find the babysitter asleep and one of the walls in the den is scribbled on with crayon.  One parent looks at the other, points at the wall and says "Just, look what your son did!"  Not that we ever get to the point (hopefully) of actually disowning our children, but for that moment we just want it to be someone else's problem. 

Believe it or not, that is exactly what G'd does in response to the most famous moment of acting out by the Jewish people.  The Israelites, impatient and fearful after not seeing Moses return from Mount Sinai, demand of Aaron  that he build them a Golden Calf to worship and follow through the desert.  G'd, in the middle of a private moment with Moses on the mountain, says to him, "Get down there, for YOUR people which YOU have brought out from the Land of Egypt have become corrupt.....made a molten calf.... worshipped and sacrificed to it... and said these are your gods who led you out of Egypt!"  For his part, Moses, knowing that he is the only defense against G'd's burning fury, "Why are you so angry against YOUR people whom YOU have led out of Egypt with great power and a mighty hand"

The Sages did not miss the meaning of the choice of pronouns and provided a midrash, an interpretive story, that drives home the point.  "When Moses heard the Holy One refer to the people as YOURS instead of MINE he began to pray and did not stop praying until the Holy One relented, as it is written "The Lord relented of the harm he planned to His [own] people" 

Both "parents"  (G'd and Moses) use the phrase "YOU have brought out of the Land of Egypt" to backup their claim of who is truly responsible for the Israelite people. Ironically, this language  is mirrored by the people themselves in their wild declaration about the Calf "These are your gods who took out of Egypt"
In a way it is as if the Torah, while describing the guilt of the idolatrous people, is also hinting at a connection between their sin and the unwillingness of both G'd and Moses at first to take responsibility for them. 

One of the paradoxes of parenting is that while the goal is to help children mature and achieve responsibility for their own actions, their is no way to do it without fully owning our own responsibility.

When we read this Torah portion tomorrow it will be another reminder that for all the eternal wisdom found on the pages of our Holy Books, the Torah also reaches us with stories about relationships that are quite imperfect and very human.  

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Michael